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ParenTalk: All For You- A Letter to Our Children

ParenTalk: All For You- A Letter to Our Children

TW: Mention of rainbow baby/ child loss/ special needs children 

Every day we remember

Some remember the little white hands on the screen
The relentless kicking as if to say “come on, I’m just playing”
Some remember the two lines
And the single lines
Some remember the tiny, gross little newborn, screaming away,
With only the birthgiver’s skin to call home
Some remember doing it again
And maybe even again (you brave souls)
Some remember finally, legally being your “parents”
Bringing you in to their homes and hearts
Some remember looking at their sweet, brave baby
Tiny, with wars to win ahead
Some remember you after years of prayers
Promising the universe to you
Some remember the responsibility of care be thrust upon them
As you only had them now
And some remember never bringing you home
Always and forever holding your in their hearts
Forever your parents
But everyone remembers loving you so much, we thought our hearts would burst

Every day we remember (with a shiver)
The round the clock feeding with only Netflix for company
Till our nipples turned raw
And yet you trudged on
The colic and screaming till you turned red
The inexplicable sadness
The reassurance of the doctors
“All babies do this", "Please invest in ear plugs” (true story)
The sleepless days that melted into weeks
The endless line of bottles
The steady stream of poopy diapers
Being conversational about colours of poop
The frustration of not knowing what to do
And being judged for not knowing what to do
The worried google searches
The reassuring of a sick child, while someone cleans up the bed
The cry for help in groups
And help being offered immediately
The razor sharp new teeth, that are as cute and just as deadly
The run to ERs
And prayers that may you never have to do it again
The desperate wish to wean
And the desperate wish to continue
Because when they wean, they grow up
Learning various ways to truly help, protect, and defend a child
Who needed a bit more help
Every meal so stuffed with every possible nutrient
But having it being refused, “yucky”-ed, thrown or vomited
Resuming work, hesitant to ask for your right to nurse and pump
Wondering how best to jig your paternity leave
Having the badge of a SAHM, both envied and pitied
But everyone remembers them, knowing
That they’d do it again for you
A thousand times over

Every day we live and see
We see the kid precariously perch themselves on the back of sofa, and dangle from a branch
Because they’re just THAT brave
We see the kids be wise beyond their years
Taking care of a hurt sibling like a parent
And we also see them call it “lelephant”
And don’t correct them,
Come on, its cute they’ll grow out of it soon
Our phone memories get dangerously full
Yet I’d rather delete my banking app than those blurred photos
We hear their joyous screams of excitement
Both on an expensive vacation and the free swings in the park downstairs
We live their reality with them
When they teach us a complicated game learnt at school
We see them howl and cry at the school gate
“What if it doesn’t get better?”
We see them wave goodbye and run to their friends
We worry what we’re getting left out and forgotten
We see them learn new things
Wonderful things at home, school and society
Horrible things at home, school and society
We see new ways to see life
Maybe a purple cow, or a stick figure with 20 fingers
We see them be strong, opinionated and aware
But for now, please just listen to me
We see them get hurt
A cut on the knee, a friend moving away, or losing a loved one
We see them lose a tooth
And promptly become slightly older
We constantly search for ways to make your life and future better
Financially, emotionally, in any way
We try to wade through the world’s misinformation, and stand up against old ideas fed to us
To learn what is best for you
We try to better ourselves
“More patience next time”, “Less expectation, it’s just a kid”, we say
All for you. Everything for you.

Every day we look forward
We look forward to being your friend, co-conspirator and guide to the scary parts of life
We look forward to raising strong, confident children
Who will hopefully, never need us
We look forward to being your safe space
A place where they can be themselves without pressure, judgement or reproach
We look forward to being good people
To being a safe place for other children who do not have it
We look forward to make the world a better place
A more accepting place
A more welcoming place
We look forward to being their Nest
Where they can always come back
Hug us
And call it home

All for you. Everything for you. A thousand times over.



Aishwarya Lahiri Khanna is kept on her toes by a 3 year old, and loves to sweat it out in the kitchen, gaining back all calories lost.